Getting out of your own way.
A lot of “luck” in business comes from being in the right place at the right time. The kicker? You can’t be in the right place at the right time if you don’t show up.
If you’re an introvert, like me, this sometimes showing up requires more mental effort than it does for our extroverted peers. Contrary to popular belief, Introverts don’t hate people, but their energy does get drained by large groups of people and they need alone time to recharge. Meanwhile, extroverts – who get their energy from being around people – are still going strong at the 6 am after after after-party.
If you’re attending a conference, workshop, or a shorter networking event like a WIPA or ILEA luncheon, here are six ways to make your introversion work for you so that you can show up fully:
1. Frame your effort in terms of ROI.
If you’re a numbers person or motivated by money, ask yourself if you’re getting back the amount of money you put into being there.
For example, if you’re paying $5000+ for a conference and your introversion is getting the best of you, ask yourself, “How can I put in $5000 worth of effort into meeting people and having good conversations?”
This doesn’t have to be precisely quantified, but if you hate wasting money, sometimes framing things in terms of cost can help you mentally make the leap from being too nervous to join a group at a breakfast table to being the first to say hello.
Which brings us to point number two:
2. Be the first to say hello.
Some people in the wedding industry love the spotlight, but many wedding pros love this work because it lets them thrive behind the scenes. If you think you're shy, you may be surprised to learn that some of your industry heroes are even shier. The secret is that they've learned to manage it well.
This is one thing I personally have had to work very hard at, and while my personality is the same throughout, it can still be difficult for me to introduce myself to someone. Some amazing opportunities have come out of my being the first to say hello, as it is a relief to the other person that they didn't have to make the painful move of introducing themselves first.
If you introduce yourself to someone and they’re rude to you, move on. They are not the client for you nor are they someone you want to collaborate with. Their loss.
3. Hold a drink.
Introverts tend to cross their arms more so than extroverts because they subconsciously are worried about what to do with their hands. The resulting body language – though unintended – can leave you looking intimidating and unapproachable. To get around this, hold a drink.
A note on this if you’re not drinking alcohol: Sometimes people view your choice to not drink as a judgment on them and get offended. if you want to avoid snarky comments or drawing attention to your beverage, ask for a mocktail or just a club soda in a rocks glass with a wedge of lime. It looks like a vodka tonic.
A note on this for event organizers: Have a signature mocktail or two on the bar menu along with your signature cocktails. It’s just good hospitality. A lot of people don’t drink because of their religion, culture, pregnancy, a sobriety lifestyle, or something else entirely. They don’t have to explain why – especially women who are not yet sharing their pregnancy news – and they shouldn’t be treated as an afterthought.
A note on this for everyone else: Don’t make snarky comments about someone not drinking. It has nothing to do with you.
4. Branch out.
If you’re attending a conference or event with your spouse, business partner, or employees, make sure you’re not attached at the hip the entire time. Eat meals with people you don't see very often or ever, rather than your roommate or the people you may see in your local industry all the time.
We create our own luck, so if you only hang out with people you know, you only have yourself to blame if opportunities go to someone else.
5. Stick around.
The most valuable insights, conversations and opportunities you will get from conferences and workshops tend to happen after the sessions, sitting by the pool or in the lobby bar.
For introverts, this means planning ahead so that you have time to be by yourself to re-energize. Maybe it means going for a swim or a hike by yourself early in the morning or simply stealing away for 30 minutes to hide in your room in quiet so you can get back out there and socialize.
Just don't disappear for the rest of the evening as soon as the sessions are over, or you'll miss out on some of the best and most beneficial conversations. Again, put in your money’s worth of effort.
6. Check your ego and don’t get starstruck.
You may be a big deal in your city or on Instagram, but you are not a celebrity. With rare exception, the speakers on stage are not celebs either.
A few years ago I spoke at a conference and afterwards a young wedding professional came up to meet me. They rattled off a list of about a dozen "big industry names" they had met and then said, "After meeting you, I now only need to meet one other person and I'll have met all the people I need to learn from in the wedding industry."
That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.
Here's a not-so-secret secret: Some of the "biggest names" in the industry are majorly in debt and barely holding it together, regardless of the life their Instagram depicts. Some of the wedding pros you've "never heard of" make high six- or seven-figures annually and are quite content to sign those client NDAs, cash their checks, and fly under the radar.
Everyone you meet has something you can learn from: success, failure, a different angle of thinking, an opinion that challenges yours and prompts you to articulate and define your stance better.
Don’t let your ego or your starry-eyed admiration for a popular speaker keep you from meeting other people who may become amazing friends, business collaborators, and mentors.
